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	<title>Tainted Saints &#187; satire</title>
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	<description>Where Saints are tainted, and Truth is sainted.</description>
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		<title>The Onion: The Top 10 Stories of the Last 4.5 Billion Years</title>
		<link>http://www.taintedsaints.com/2009/12/16/the-onion-the-top-10-stories-of-the-last-4-5-billion-years/</link>
		<comments>http://www.taintedsaints.com/2009/12/16/the-onion-the-top-10-stories-of-the-last-4-5-billion-years/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 16 Dec 2009 23:49:42 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Kat</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[News Filter]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[annual]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[satire]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The Onion]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.taintedsaints.com/?p=1482</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[#10:  Four Or Five Guys Pretty Much Carry Whole Renaissance
#9:  Fire, Setting Everything In Sight On Fire Discovered
#8:  Industrial Revolution Provides Millions Of Out-Of-Work Children With Jobs
#7:  Rat-Shit-Covered Physicians Baffled By Spread Of Black Plague
#6:  Dinosaurs Sadly Extinct Before Invention Of Bazooka 
#5:  Sumerians Look On In Confusion As God Creates World
#4:  Duane Takes Off [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<h3>#10:  <a href="http://www.taintedsaints.com/content/news/four_or_five_guys_pretty_much"><span style="color: #0000ff;">Four Or Five Guys Pretty Much Carry Whole Renaissance</span></a></h3>
<h3>#9:  <a href="http://www.taintedsaints.com/content/news/fire_setting_everything_in_sight"><span style="color: #0000ff;">Fire, Setting Everything In Sight On Fire Discovered</span></a></h3>
<h3>#8:  <a href="http://www.taintedsaints.com/content/news/industrial_revolution_provides"><span style="color: #0000ff;">Industrial Revolution Provides Millions Of Out-Of-Work Children With Jobs</span></a></h3>
<h3>#7:  <a href="http://www.taintedsaints.com/content/news/rat_shit_covered_physicians"><span style="color: #0000ff;">Rat-Shit-Covered Physicians Baffled By Spread Of Black Plague</span></a></h3>
<h3>#6:  <a href="http://www.taintedsaints.com/content/news/dinosaurs_sadly_extinct_before"><span style="color: #0000ff;">Dinosaurs Sadly Extinct Before Invention Of Bazooka</span> </a></h3>
<h3>#5:  <a href="http://www.taintedsaints.com/content/news/sumerians_look_on_in_confusion_as"><span style="color: #0000ff;">Sumerians Look On In Confusion As God Creates World</span></a></h3>
<h3>#4:  <a href="http://www.taintedsaints.com/content/news/duane_takes_off_owing_roommates_1"><span style="color: #0000ff;">Duane Takes Off Owing Roommates 1,300 Bucks</span></a></h3>
<h3>#3:  <a href="http://www.taintedsaints.com/content/news/woman_domesticated"><span style="color: #0000ff;">Woman Domesticated</span></a></h3>
<h3>#2:  <a href="http://www.taintedsaints.com/content/video/internet_archaeologists_find"><span style="color: #0000ff;">Internet Archaeologists Find Ruins Of &#8216;Friendster&#8217; Civilization</span></a></h3>
<h3>#1:  <a href="http://www.taintedsaints.com/content/news/evolution_going_great_reports"><span style="color: #0000ff;">Evolution Going Great, Reports Trilobite</span></a></h3>
]]></content:encoded>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
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		<item>
		<title>The Onion: Music Snobs Protest Use Of Metallica, Pantera To Torture Prisoners</title>
		<link>http://www.taintedsaints.com/2009/11/23/the-onion-music-snobs-protest-use-of-metallica-pantera-to-torture-prisoners/</link>
		<comments>http://www.taintedsaints.com/2009/11/23/the-onion-music-snobs-protest-use-of-metallica-pantera-to-torture-prisoners/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Mon, 23 Nov 2009 21:58:19 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Kat</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[News Filter]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Guantanamo Bay]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[music]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[satire]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[torture]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.taintedsaints.com/?p=1199</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[WASHINGTON—Amid continued reports detailing the CIA&#8217;s use of loud music to torture detainees at Guantánamo Bay, pop-culture elitists from across the country gathered in the nation&#8217;s capital Monday to protest the uninspired song selections employed in the brutal treatment of inmates.
&#8220;To remain silent about the abhorrent methods used to interrogate alleged enemy combatants would be [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>WASHINGTON—Amid continued reports detailing the CIA&#8217;s use of loud music to torture detainees at Guantánamo Bay, pop-culture elitists from across the country gathered in the nation&#8217;s capital Monday to protest the uninspired song selections employed in the brutal treatment of inmates.</p>
<p>&#8220;To remain silent about the abhorrent methods used to interrogate alleged enemy combatants would be a betrayal of the ideals we hold most dear,&#8221; said <em>New Yorker</em> music critic Sasha Frere-Jones, a spokesperson for the loose coalition of music snobs. &#8220;I mean, &#8216;Enter Sandman,&#8217; from Metallica&#8217;s 1991 self-titled album? Really? Not to say there isn&#8217;t some classic stuff on the torture playlist, but even my 12-year-old nephew would choose something a little more unexpected than Nine Inch Nails to shatter an utterly demoralized man&#8217;s already tenuous grip on reality.&#8221;</p>
<p>&#8220;They could have at least picked an excerpt from Dream Theater&#8217;s <em>A</em> <em>Change Of Seasons</em> EP to play at 120 decibels for 14 hours a day,&#8221; Frere-Jones continued. &#8220;If I were handcuffed to a chair with something as tired as Tupac&#8217;s &#8216;Keep Ya Head Up&#8217; blasting in my face, I&#8217;d probably pass out from boredom, despite the painful sleep deprivation stress positions.&#8221; <a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nations_music_snobs_protest">[more...]</a></p>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>The Onion: Nation&#8217;s Morons March On Washington State</title>
		<link>http://www.taintedsaints.com/2009/10/21/the-onion-nations-morons-march-on-washington-state/</link>
		<comments>http://www.taintedsaints.com/2009/10/21/the-onion-nations-morons-march-on-washington-state/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 21 Oct 2009 22:10:14 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Kat</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[The Onion]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[morons]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[satire]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Washington state]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.taintedsaints.com/?p=693</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[OLYMPIA, WA—With random cries of &#8220;Enough is enough,&#8221; &#8220;Do something now,&#8221; and &#8220;Huh?&#8221; thousands of the nation&#8217;s biggest morons descended on Washington State this week, some 3,000 miles from their intended destination of the nation&#8217;s capital.
The march, which had no discernable goal or message, and no official organizers, began at approximately 8:45 a.m. in front [...]]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>OLYMPIA, WA—With random cries of &#8220;Enough is enough,&#8221; &#8220;Do something now,&#8221; and &#8220;Huh?&#8221; thousands of <a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news/nations_morons_march_on_washington">the nation&#8217;s biggest morons descended on Washington State this week</a>, some 3,000 miles from their intended destination of the nation&#8217;s capital.</p>
<p>The march, which had no discernable goal or message, and no official organizers, began at approximately 8:45 a.m. in front of what the morons called the National Mall, but was actually the courtyard outside the Olympia Public Library&#8230;</p>
]]></content:encoded>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>The Onion: If God Had Wanted Me To Be Accepting Of Gays, He Would Have Given Me The Warmth And Compassion To Do So</title>
		<link>http://www.taintedsaints.com/2009/10/14/the-onion-if-god-had-wanted-me-to-be-accepting-of-gays-he-would-have-given-me-the-warmth-and-compassion-to-do-so/</link>
		<comments>http://www.taintedsaints.com/2009/10/14/the-onion-if-god-had-wanted-me-to-be-accepting-of-gays-he-would-have-given-me-the-warmth-and-compassion-to-do-so/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 14 Oct 2009 19:31:13 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Kat</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[The Onion]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[LGBT rights]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[satire]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.taintedsaints.com/?p=507</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[From The Onion&#8217;s Op-Ed page&#8230;
]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>From <em>The Onion&#8217;s</em> <a href="http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/if_god_had_wanted_me_to_be">Op-Ed </a>page&#8230;</p>
]]></content:encoded>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
		</item>
		<item>
		<title>The Onion: Obama Health Care Plan Would Give Seniors the Right To Choose How They Are Killed</title>
		<link>http://www.taintedsaints.com/2009/10/07/the-onion-obama-health-care-plan-would-give-seniors-the-right-to-choose-how-they-are-killed/</link>
		<comments>http://www.taintedsaints.com/2009/10/07/the-onion-obama-health-care-plan-would-give-seniors-the-right-to-choose-how-they-are-killed/#comments</comments>
		<pubDate>Wed, 07 Oct 2009 21:06:13 +0000</pubDate>
		<dc:creator>Kat</dc:creator>
				<category><![CDATA[Barack Obama]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[Health Care]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[The Onion]]></category>
		<category><![CDATA[satire]]></category>

		<guid isPermaLink="false">http://www.taintedsaints.com/?p=315</guid>
		<description><![CDATA[Just a little levity, folks&#8230;
]]></description>
			<content:encoded><![CDATA[<p>Just a little <a title="levity" href="http://www.theonion.com/content/news/obama_health_care_plan_would_give">levity</a>, folks&#8230;</p>
]]></content:encoded>
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		<slash:comments>0</slash:comments>
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